It’s been a week since you left us, I’m feeling all the waves of grief, anger, sadness and grattitude along with the constant ache of missing you. I’m sitting here trying to do justice in my words to the blog post that you wanted so badly to write but weren’t able to.
The last few months was a rollercoaster with more downs than ups, the last weeks and days of your life here were unbearably difficult. All the while, you continued to mentally prepare me for the tough decisions that I needed to make. When the time came, I had no doubt in my mind what you would want or need me to do in those brutal moments before you left us.
I joked with our friends and family that you’ve left me a long list of instructions, as practical as they are protective of me. That guidance and clarity has empowered me to get through each day, to honor what’s always been important to you and to us.
One of the last things you told us was “I want to be free”. I hope you are enjoying your freedom wherever you are now. I know it’s a better place than it was for you here. I know you’re free from pain and suffering, I know you’re free to eat all the tacos and free to travel to all the places and people you love.
I’m grateful for the closure that you gave our families in the words, kisses and goodbyes you had with each of us. I’m grateful you had your personality, your stubbornness, and your humor until the end. I’m most grateful we had our moment to say goodbye. I meant what I said to you – I will make you proud. I will continue living my life in the best way you taught me how. Even though our time together in the physical world could never be enough, I know you’re always with me. With every iced coffee, every sunset, every trip, every delicious meal, and every breath until my last one.
I wouldn’t be standing if not for our incredible support system both near and far. We’ve felt so much love from each of you, it’s given us the strength to get through this every step of the way. I can’t find the words to express how thankful I am so I will save those words for another time and give you an extra squeeze when we see each other next.
Please use the comment section here to share your stories, your memories and your love for Nico!
In the spirit of Nico’s charity work, I have joined a fundraiser in his name to raise funds for medical supplies and equipment along with education and safe drinking water for children here in Sri Lanka through the Rotary Club and UNICEF. You can find more information and donate here!